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“Her Final Breath, My Last Choice”

On April 20th, five years ago, I had to make the most painful decision of my life—from a Zoom call. My sister was dying, and I was her healthcare proxy. While my mother and niece sat at her bedside, I gave the word to let her go. That moment changed me forever. I carry it into every EMS shift, every sleepless night, and every word I write. Today, I remember her—not as the woman we lost, but as my sister. The one I tried to save, even from a distance. The Quiet After the Sirens began with her silence.

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The Quiet After the Call

There’s a silence most people never hear.
It’s not peace—it’s the sound after the sirens, when the adrenaline fades and the ghosts start talking.
After years in the military, fire service, and EMS, I came to know that silence too well. It isn’t quiet. It’s noise turned inward.
In that space, the heart races, the mind replays trauma, and the spirit aches under the weight of it all.
Crowded rooms became unbearable. Joy felt dangerous. And I couldn’t sit still without my hands shaking.
But healing began when I finally stopped running and listened to that silence. I learned to name the things I feared. I started writing again.
This memoir, The Quiet After the Sirens, is a testament to survival—not just in the field, but in the stillness that follows.
It’s about carrying the weight, honoring the ghosts, and learning how to breathe again.
If you’ve ever known that kind of silence, this story is for you too.

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NaPoWriMo Day 9: The Bell Beyond the Fog

By @RWhiteAuthor For today’s NaPoWriMo prompt, I wanted to capture the haunting weight of sound in stillness. Inspired by the way fog distorts noise and reshapes perception, this poem leans into rhyme and the echo of a singular, specific sound: the distant clang of an old …

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